i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
