i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
