I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
