areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
