I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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