How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
