Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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