the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
