...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
