it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
