On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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