Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
