How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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