Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
