youre lurking in front of me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
