...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
