I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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