I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
