my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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