I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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