butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
