I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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