I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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