She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
