i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
