I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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