Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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