Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
