the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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