I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
