I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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