I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
