Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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