So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
