yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
