just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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