Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
