good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
