dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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