fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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