chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
