I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
