EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
