Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
