So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
