You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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