just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I understand Curling. That high.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
