I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
