The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
