Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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